i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
