I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
