dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
