But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
