I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
