I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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