i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize