GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
