went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
