I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
