She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
