all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
