Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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