He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
