Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
