Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize