Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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