Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize