He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
