dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
