I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
