You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
