The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
