I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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