But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
