just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
