You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
My liver just had a heart attack.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
