Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
