It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
