It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
accomplished twins. life is a go
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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