I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she looked like the before picture.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
