My brain says no but my pants say off.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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