Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
