Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Of course I have a pirate flag
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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