if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize