I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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