In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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