So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
