I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
