You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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