I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
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