How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize