Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
