you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
