Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
