i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
