I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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