went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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