maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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