They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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