got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
