YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Two words: blizzard sex
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
