we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
