In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
