Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
