I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
