How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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