Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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