I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
