Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
