Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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