Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
