i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
