This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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