Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
wow bdsm is so cute
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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