I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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