I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
