Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
